An Abusive Story

Lord Buddha was sitting under a banyan tree. One day, a furious man came to him and started abusing him.

The man thought that Buddha would reciprocate in the same manner, but to his utter surprise, there was not the slightest change in the expression on his face.

Now, the man became more furious. He hurled more and more abuses at Buddha. However, Buddha was completely unmoved. Actually there was a look of compassion on his face. Ultimately the man was tired of abusing him. He asked, "I have been abusing you like anything, but why are you not angry at all?

Lord Buddha calmly replied, "My dear brother, I have not accepted a single abuse from you."
"But you heard all of them, didn't you?" The man argued half-heartedly.

Buddha said, "I do not need the abuses, so man should I even hear them?"

Now the man was even more puzzled. He could not understand the calm reply from Buddha.
Looking at his disturbed face, Buddha further explained, "All those abuses remain with you."

"It cannot be possible. I have hurled all of them at you," the man persisted.

Buddha calmly repeated his reply, "But I have not accepted even a single abuse from you! Dear brother, suppose you give some coins to somebody, and if he does not accept them, with whom will those coins remain?"

The man replied, "If I have given the coins and they are not needed by anyone, then naturally they would remain with me."

With a meaningful smile on his face, Buddha said, "Now you are right. The same has happened with your abuses. You came here and hurled abuses at me, but I have not accepted a single abuse from you. Hence, all those abuses remain with you only. So there is no reason to be angry with you."

The man remained speechless. He was ashamed of his behavior and begged for Buddha's forgiveness.

~ Author Unknown

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When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.
- Catherine Ponder

The Tact Of Tact

Different presentations affect our reactions, communications and interactions with others. It's our presentation that counts.

Two people may be trying to get across the same idea, but they may do it in
completely different ways. One presentation may have negative overtones, carry with it a whole range of negative emotions, and incite negative reactions, whereas the other may be just the opposite. Almost without exception, the one who does it in a kind, considerate way will have the greater success.

Positive presentation makes people feel good, it makes them feel cared for, it makes them feel that you like and respect and have confidence in them, and that nearly always wins their cooperation.

If people feel that you care, that's what will matter most to them and go the farthest in strengthening your relationship. Let friendship and trust come through.

Actually, the words we say are not always as important as how we say them. Sometimes we do need to point out problems or say things that we know will be difficult for the other person to accept, and even be direct in doing so. But people can overlook our being frank if they see that we sincerely care about them.
Even if we fail to say exactly the right thing in exactly the right way, if people feel that you care, that's what will matter most to them and go the farthest in strengthening your relationship. Let friendship and trust come through.

Part of mastering the Art of Presentation is to try a little tact.

A word that seems out of place or is said at the wrong time or to the wrong person is often thought of as a lack of tact. The dictionary defines tact as "the ability to say and do the right things; skill in handling difficult situations or dealing with difficult people without giving offense; delicacy; diplomacy." Delicacy means "fineness of feeling for small differences." The word "tact" is taken from the Latin tactus, which means "touching."

So the art of having tact and saying the right things to people at the right time is really just to be sensitive to the way they feel, to have that personal touch that helps us to be aware of what might hurt their feelings and to avoid doing so.
How do we learn to be more tactful? Be more sensitive to people's feelings, and cultivate the habit of thinking twice before you speak.

What you say is important! How you say it is even more important!!!-- Cyrus Lentin

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